you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
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