I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
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