meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
Someone came in the potted fern
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
Randomize
