in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
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