I wish I could punch you in the face.
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
Drunk is not a location!
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
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