I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
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