why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
Guy Accidentally Starts A Group Chat With All The Girls He’s Talking To And Gets Absolutely Roasted
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
The Internet Is Obsessed With This Stripper Who Dropped It Low Just To Eat A Slice Of Pizza
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single