The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
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