you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
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