Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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