She went from zero to smokin in five shots
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
Randomize
