I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize
