Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
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