He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
Randomize
