Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
Life is so much better after having sex.
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
Randomize
