Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
