hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
Nicole vs. Life
I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
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