I'm sorry my penis didn't work
why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
