he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
Randomize
