dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
what's the vibe there?
extraordinary amounts of gine
i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
Randomize
