Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
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