i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
I am available for nakedness
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
Randomize
