I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
Need sex. Gaining weight.
Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
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