We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
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