It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
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