I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
Randomize
