nut hugger
Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
operation harelip BJ is a go
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
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