I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
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