super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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