Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
Randomize
