Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
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