I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
Randomize
