so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
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