So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
Randomize
