a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
Randomize
