I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
So my graduate coordinator is possible gay man. I may have just found the easiest way to a degree ever.
Good plan b, put your number on all your forms. Hello gamefull employment.
Take that integrity
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
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