There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
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