I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
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