Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(207): View more from Maine

I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers

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(727): View more from Florida

I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.

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(207): View more from Maine

so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.

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(412): View more from Pennsylvania

a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine

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(612): View more from Minnesota

She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.

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(204): View more from Manitoba

We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.

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(206): View more from Washington

I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.

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(512): View more from Texas

I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me

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(213): View more from California

I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina

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