What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
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