It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
Randomize
