where am i from again
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
Randomize
