Good luck man
I dont need it. Shes easy.
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
Randomize
