I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
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