my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
Randomize
