my phone cant type all the emotion im having
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
Randomize
