Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
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