oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
Ask Niel how long his lasts if he plays with it a lot.
he says 15-20 minutes depending on the porn.
no his phone, idiot.
We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
I forget how to act sober
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
Randomize
