I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
Randomize
