At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
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