I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Randomize
