Just did shrooms. Don't feel shit! Wsasted 40 bucks on this! Nothing's happenig except for this little gnome on my shoulder and the couch is melting. Fuckin waste of money.
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
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