OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
I have surprise drugs for everyone
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
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