I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
Randomize
