How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
Randomize
