ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize
