I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
Pooping to opera.
Randomize
