Baton twirling is one of his activities on facebook.
Also he is "an Ohio stae gran champion twirler". You cannot tell me he's straight
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
I am midnight drunk by noon
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
Randomize
