I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
And my parents said I crawled through the house
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
A+ Viking dick
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
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