You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
Randomize
