i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
She made me pour olive oil on her.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
Randomize