i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
Randomize
