Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
we should paint friendship bongs
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