hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
Randomize