Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
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