one word: firstdatebathroomanal
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Randomize
