I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
Dick very happy bro
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
Randomize
