Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
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