I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
I just found a bag of teeth...
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
Randomize
