Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
Randomize
