This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
Randomize
