dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
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