so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
Randomize
