College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Randomize
