I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
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I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
Randomize