I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
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