i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
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