After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
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