Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
I should be sponsored by Trojan
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
dude. I can hear the air.
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