I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize
