Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
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